Learning about caring and sharing

LOGARTA

As pupils in St. Theresa’s College, we were blessed to be exposed early to unconditional love. Many of the mentors whom we hero-worshipped left us to enter the ICM novitiate; and of course during school days we were with nuns who had chosen to leave everything including their beloved families for a special way of loving: serving in schools, indigenous peoples, even leaving the country as missionaries in Africa or South America for the love of Jesus.

When I was working on my dissertation, one of the subjects, a Theresian, informed me that she had done work to organize workers precisely because of what she had absorbed from the ICM sisters.

But one has to begin with a sense of wholeness within one’s self. So with my grade 10 students in Our Lady of Joy Learning Center, I shared the film “Joyluck Club” because the mothers in this film reminded their daughters to remember their self-worth. With my students in Christian Living ages ago, I included in their examination this quote from “Daybreak” of Joan Baez: “You are amazing grace/ you are a precious jewel/ You special, miraculous, unrepeatable, fragile, fearful, tender, lost sparkling ruby, emerald jewel, rainbow splendor person; would it embarrass you very much if I were to tell you that I love you?” (Nora Abesamis who belonged to this class still remembers my emphasis on self-esteem).

In a TV show, a personal coach commented that we learn about many things, but we do not learn about relationships. Such a learning gap has caused failed relationships. So in various Social Studies subjects, but especially in gender studies, we discuss relationships. Students can learn about relationships in discussions of literary pieces or even discussions on social problems. More mature students can also benefit from the sharing of teachers’ experiences, sensitively discussed. Love can be such a comfort for those who feel the loneliness of being misunderstood or isolated because of the apparent singularity of ideas and one’s personal experiences. For this I narrate my experience of affection for an American Peace Corps Volunteer whom I met in graduate school. My statements and responses in classes never struck a chord among my other classmates, except for Jerry.

When we had an activity exposing our bags and books, I found out that we were reading the same things. So I remind the students that loving has a culture context. Then I tell them about the importance of communication, especially of one’s deepest thoughts because loving involves as the song in “Phantom of the Opera” says: “Let me take you from your solitude…”

“Freedom, its a deep devoted love, bring me to it”; of course, there are many dimensions and meanings of freedom; but I always want to caution my students against controlling “boyfriends”. This is a symptom of future domestic violence. So instead, I bring in Exupery’s point that love is not about two individuals looking at each other’s eyes but it is about two persons looking in the same direction. While giving gender discussions to youth in their late adolescence I wind up by singing from “Finian’s Rainbow”: “Follow the fellow, follow the fellow, follow the fellow who follows a dream”. Then one can proceed with: “A dream that will need all the love you can give/ Every day of your life/ for as long as you live” from “The Sound of Music”.

I think I was blessed with the fact that when I was seeking a companion in loving, it was the time of intense nationalism and one could encounter inspiring people while marching in opposition to an oil price hike. You could also provide sympathetic company to one shedding tears over a friend’s arrest. At this time, friends would absolutely object to your falling for a light-headed guy or a very narcissistic one, no matter how good-looking or gallant he was. They would definitely OK a person familiar with Andres Bonifacio’s poem that has been sang: “Aling pag-ibig pa ang hihigit kaya/ Sa pagkadalisay at pagkadakila/ Gaya ng pag-ibig sa tinubuang lupa/ Aling pag-ibig pa? Wala na nga, wala.”

Let me close by recalling the burial Mass of one of my teachers who joined the ICM congregation. The choir sang her favorite song: “In the evening of my life, I shall look to the sunset/ At the moment in my life when my work is through/ And the question I shall ask only You can answer/ Was I brave, and strong, and true?/ Did I fill the world with love?/ Did I fill the world with love?/ Did I fill the world with love my whole life through?”