GEOSTORM: Unbelievably ridiculous disaster film
Let’s just take a moment for all of us take a deep breath.
We’ll need it. Now, let’s all communally close our eyes. Go ahead. Now breathe and let your mind drift away.
It’s the only way you can rationally accept spending your time and hard earned pesos watching, without question, the stupidest movie of this year or any other.
The film is called “Geostorm” and it is a direct rip off of a much better “Mother Nature goes crazy” film of 2004 entitled “The Day After Tomorrow.”
In that film, “man made” global warming has not only melted the polar ice caps but also sent the environment haywire, causing a massive shift in the Earth’s axis and all of the Northern Hemisphere to turn into a frozen wasteland. Okay.
“The Day After Tomorrow” was written for the screen and directed by Roland Emmerich–half of the film duo of Emmerich and his former partner Dean Devlin who brought aliens to Earth in the now modern sci-fi classic “Independence Day” several decades ago.
Devlin has broken away from his partner and brings us his nightmare version of a “mad as a hen Mother Nature” in “Geostorm” and it is a pale comparison to what his one-time collaborator Mr. Emmerich managed to create. Now you have to again continue to breathe.
In and out. That’s it. Because otherwise you will be in a dark corner of the theater laughing hysterically before men in white coats come to take you away to a happy place with a padded cell.
This movie makes no sense at all! You have to breathe deeply and hold back the never ending laughter when you see a massive space station hovering over North America with—please stop giggling—US space shuttles whizzing back and forth on the screen.
ARE YOU KIDDING? Did Mr. Devlin happen to be asleep for the past 20 years and realize how much time and money it cost to build the International Space Station? Doesn’t he know that all of NASA’s space shuttles have been mothballed and are gathering dust in museums across America?
The idiotic premise of this alternative reality film presumes that Americans can egotistically control the Earth’s weather with pontifications from the White House by Andy Garcia (“The Godfather Part III”) as the American President who says so.
Here’s the official synopsis: “After an unprecedented series of natural disasters threatened the planet, the world’s leaders came together to create an intricate network of satellites to control the global climate and keep everyone safe.
But now, something has gone wrong: the system built to protect Earth is attacking it, and it becomes a race against the clock to uncover the real threat before a worldwide geostorm wipes out everything and everyone along with it”.
Jumbo jet aircraft instantly freeze in midair and fall from the sky as 300 ft. tall walls of water engulf one city after another, while beach goers at Waikiki Beach in Honolulu are flashed frozen in walls of ice.
This is the exactly same premise as “The Day After Tomorrow” but with cheaper special effects from 13 years ago. Not only that.
We have a back story about our hero as Gerald Butler (“London Must Fall”) says his goodbyes to his eight-year-old daughter before she and everyone else are pulverized by flying debris. In the blink of an eye, Butler is transported to a stationary space station that – TA DA – somehow has perfect Earth-like gravity.
Oh, wait! It gets even better when an Earth-bound scientist convinces a US Secret Service agent to kidnap the American President (who is the only person who has the “kill codes” to disable the orbiting space station) and speed away in a rent-a-car to save the world from greedy politicians who are the cause of millions of needless deaths.
Buildings collapse, nations fall and … well you get the idea.
Of course, Butler saves the day—blows up the space station and finds the only means of “safe” transportation back down to terra firma. All is well once again … Oh, my goodness!
Please stay far away from “Geostorm” and if you want to see our beautiful blue little world get truly crushed, rent “The Day After Tomorrow” which was presented by a master of his craft.
Not this gaw awful retread … Presented by an amateur.
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