Uncomfortable with dad and daughter’s closeness

By Belle Grandea January 13,2018

Dear Ms. Belle,

I am the third wife. The first was unfaithful and eloped with another man, leaving a daughter with my partner.

He married for the second time and sired a daughter and a son.

I’ve met them and they’re okay.

Their mother had cancer and she died some years ago.

So that means my husband already had three children when we got married.

As a family man, I have nothing to complain about my husband.

He’s caring, thoughtful and never forgets our birthdays and special occasions. As a spouse, he’s a good lover and generous provider.

I even have a credit card which I can use to buy anything I want. It means a lot that he trusts me.

But there’s one thing that really bothers me.

His daughter from his first wife is very close to him. She’s now 18 and studies in Manila. I

‘m uncomfortable that he’d sometimes sleep in her room while she’s away.

And then when she’s here, he’d say that he misses her and sleeps in the room with her.

I don’t want to have any malice and see no reason to suspect my husband. Just the same, I think this is not normal because his daughter is already a young lady.

Jody

Dear Jody,

I have a friend who values family above anything else.

Though he’d surely earn more if worked harder and spent many hours at work, he purposely kept his time so he can go home to have dinner with family and tuck his daughter to bed.

For 16 years, this was a ritual. He would bring her to the room, linger while while she did her evening prayers and give her a goodnight kiss.

One day, his daughter said, “Dad, I think we should stop doing this.” With a heavy heart, he agreed.

That night, he walked out of his daughter’s room with a slight pain in his heart.

He realized that she is no longer his baby girl.

The love is will always be there but it should be expressed differently.

There is a standing joke among dads.

“Anyone who messes with my daughter has to face me.”

Of course, dads and daughters have a natural affection.

But if you have this strange stirrings in your gut about your husband and his grown-up daughter, it is best that you gently talk to your husband about his daughter no lonnger being his “baby girl.”

Ms. Belle

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