Weaving my professional responsibilities with personal tasks is a skill I have mastered in the last 5.5 years of being married and in the last four years of being a mother to three mutants.
There were fieldworks and desk job duties where my children come with me as I make it a point to spend personal time with each child. I used to follow a schedule where Monday is for Nicholas, Wednesday is for Antoinette and Friday is for Jeff Jr. But I have since scrapped that and just work on finding time to spend with each child.
At times when it gets overwhelming to find a fun day for each child — and that happens quite often — I just bring them to the newsroom where I do desk editor duties thrice a week. Because we do not have television at home, the children consider their newsroom visits their opportunity to watch endless cartoon shows and animated movies courtesy of YouTube.
It is not a surprise that the common line uttered at home is: “I want to go to the newsroom! It’s fun there!” “I want to go to the library” is the runner-up statement followed by “I want to go and see the crocodiles,” which pertains to Crocolandia, the animal park in Talisay City.
Just recently, I brought Jeff Jr. to the newsroom, the very first time he spent 11 hours there. In the middle of lining up stories for story conference and talking to reporters on how to shape their stories, Jeff Jr. ran around, ate apples and played with toys he found on one reporter’s table. Later, he slept on the floor. The 2.5-year-old boy was so happy about the experience that he was still awake when we came home at almost 10 p.m. and relayed to Ate Joy what he did the entire day.
Last week, I brought Nicholas to an exhibit at the Cebu City Museum where I interviewed members of a group called Portrait Artists’ Society of the Philippines, Inc. (PASPI). That was a tricky decision to bring the 4-year-old mutant to an art exhibit as I had to constantly check on him, while asking questions and taking notes of the answers of revered artists.
The exhibit named “Babaye” honors and uplifts women, and Nicholas being a fan of portraits and realism was all over the place examining each painting with the focus and attention of an avid art collector. We lingered for a while and watched as PASPI members and some students participated in an on-the-spot portrait sketching exercise with live models.
That experience had much impact on Nicholas that the following day I caught him using my make-up brush to paint on the white wall near my vanity table.
Antoinette is the cry baby every time I leave the house. Her signature lines are: “Please don’t leave Nanay. Stay here, don’t go anywhere. If you go, you hurt my heart.” She and her brothers are usually in the living room when I leave. I am usually sent off with tears when I leave as Antoinette views my departure as the end of the world.
But I refrain from sneaking out of the house to escape the cries and the wails. I do not like to do that. I would rather explain to them that I need to leave for work and then have them see leave as they cry than strategically placing them in a room to watch cartoons while I hurriedly escape.
I do not have studies to back this up but I just feel that my children need to see me leave because it teaches them the value of letting go. They need to know that people — even their mother who will wholeheartedly give up her life for them — will not be there forever. I love them forever but I will not be there forever.
I also observed that when they see me go, it teaches them to ask questions from me when I come back.
“How was your day, Mom? Did you have fun? What did you have for dinner?”
When I take one child out, the others are also in the living room to see us leave. This is not a smooth process. There is a lot of screaming and wailing and begging. Your eardrums will suffer, your patience will be tested and you will question your worth as a mother.
But it has to be done because they have to feel that there is a time for everything and that there is such as thing as give-and-take. Nicholas is slowly getting this now. Antoinette is still far from embracing this concept. JJ is Antoinette’s minion so you know where he is in the equation.
I like each child to feel that they have alone time with Mama so they can tell me things that they can’t tell me when the other siblings are there. This works like magic.
I like each child to see me leave with the other sibling so they also realize that the world does not revolve around them. It teaches them to share and let go. I suppose this is an experience that strips them off the entitled state. Again, I am no child psychologist but I am a mother so that pretty much qualifies me to do these things.
My other preoccupation as a Mommy Blogger gives me opportunities to try out products and attend events centered on my role as a mother and co-head of my household.
I have since learned that you can always choose to reject pieces of advice which you think is not applicable to you and your children.
Parenting these days comes with a challenge to occasionally un-listen to what other people say is best for your children. I only listen to a few people and the list changes from time to time. Even my mother is not always on the list.
That is not disrespect. That is taking charge of your pack. You are the Mother Wolf. Do not let others make you think otherwise.
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