“Anong gagawin niyo if the only man you love is, unfortunately, married?”
Nothing. Nada. You walk away.
That would likely be your answer to Kara Zalderiaga, the character brought to life by Anne Curtis, when she breaks down in frustration in the 2011 box-office hit No Other Woman.
In one of the film’s most unforgettable scenes, Kara numbs her heartbreak with alcohol in a pulsating club, lashing out at her friends as she comes to terms with the cruel truth of having fallen in love with Ram Escaler (Derek Ramsay), a man who, despite his charm and intensity, wears a wedding ring.
He is married to Charmaine (Cristine Reyes).
“I promise you, there’s no other woman in my life!”
Familiar line? You’ve probably heard it before—loud, defensive, desperate. Ram says it to his wife, but his words ring hollow. He betrays her, not once but repeatedly, even coming home to her after a night with Kara in a private villa.
Audiences hated him for it. Who roots for the cheater?
Yet No Other Woman remains one of the most iconic Filipino films about infidelity. Its dialogue lingers, its characters are unforgettable, and its story continues to provoke arguments about love, betrayal, and forgiveness.
READ: Cheating…
Because for many, it hits too close to home. It reflects the emotional minefield of real relationships, where cheating often doesn’t begin with love, but with curiosity, temptation, and flirtatious texts… until it all unravels beneath the sheets.
What is cheating, really?
“Usually when we talk about cheating, sometimes people often think that it’s all about a problematic relationship or sometimes it’s all about sex,” said Dr. Renz Christian Argao, a registered psychologist and certified specialist in clinical psychology, in an interview with CDN Digital.
“But when we look at it, some of the psychological reasons that people may cheat with their partners could include a variety of needs and dissatisfaction.”
Argao explained that feelings of being “unappreciated or emotionally disconnected” from a partner can create an emotional void, which may eventually lead individuals to seek fulfillment through physical or emotional infidelity.
“[That is why] it is common for people to think about sex when they consider cheating,” he said.
According to Argao, sexual dissatisfaction can also contribute to infidelity. He explained that sometimes partners feel emotionally connected and believe their emotional needs are met, but “on the sexual part, sometimes their sexual needs are not satisfied.”
This mismatch in sexual compatibility can lead individuals to seek gratification with others through infidelity. Argao noted that these emotional and physical issues are “common problems” in relationships.
On an individual level, he added that psychological reasons for cheating often stem from personal insecurities, such as low self-esteem, which leads them to seek validation of their self-image and self-esteem through infidelity.
“Sometimes they see themselves as of low self-worth. So they seek to validate their self, their self-image, their self-esteem, and they do that through infidelity,” he said.
Argao also mentioned that “impulsivity or difficulties in impulse control” can cause some people to struggle with controlling their urges, resulting in cheating.
The numbers behind the betrayal
According to a 2023 report by the Philippine Commission on Women (PCW), marital infidelity continues to be a major issue impacting Filipino families.
From 2015 to 2022, complaints related to extramarital affairs steadily rose, often contributing to the erosion of marriage and the mental health of the affected spouse.
A 2009 study by the National Commission on the Role of Filipino Women revealed that 36 percent of Filipino men admitted to engaging in extramarital affairs, compared to just 2 percent of Filipino women.
Annulment data backs this trend. Over the last decade, annulment filings have surged by roughly 40 percent, with an average of 22 cases filed daily nationwide, many citing infidelity as a ground.
In 2024, a landmark Supreme Court ruling recognized marital infidelity as a form of psychological violence under Republic Act No. 9262, or the Anti-Violence Against Women and Their Children Act.
This allows women to press charges not only for physical abuse but also for the emotional trauma caused by unfaithfulness.
Adultery and concubinage
The Philippines remains one of the few countries where cheating is criminalized.
Under the Revised Penal Code:
Adultery punishes married women who engage in sexual intercourse with a man other than their husband.
Concubinage applies to married men, but only under specific circumstances, such as keeping a mistress in the conjugal home or having sexual relations in scandalous places.
Both crimes carry penalties of imprisonment and fines, and complaints must be filed within five years of discovery.
However, legal experts and lawmakers have pointed out the gender disparity in how these laws are applied. Women typically face stricter punishment and social stigma compared to their male counterparts.
The world view: Where does the Philippines stand?
According to the 2025 World Population Review on global infidelity rates, the Philippines ranks relatively low, with less than 10 percent of the population reportedly engaging in extramarital affairs.
Here are the Top 5 Countries with the Highest Infidelity Rates:
– Thailand – 51%
– Denmark – 46%
– Germany – 45%
– Italy – 45%
– France – 43%
The Philippines did not make it to the top 50.
But low numbers don’t always mean low impact.
Experts warn that infidelity in the Philippines is often underreported, especially among women, due to cultural taboos and the fear of being blamed or shamed.
The psychology of cheating
Why do people cheat, even when they’re in seemingly happy relationships?
“Sometimes [cheating] takes a long time because in the first few months, years of the relationship, there’s always that belief na, ‘Ay baka maayos pa naman,’” Argao said. (Oh, maybe things can still be fixed.)
However, he noted that additional frustrations, such as emotional or sexual dissatisfaction, self-esteem issues, or insecurities, can accumulate and trigger infidelity.
Argao linked infidelity to attachment styles, saying that those who cheat often have an anxious attachment or a combination of anxious and avoidant attachment.
He described anxious attachment as characterized by fears of abandonment or rejection, where individuals “try to do a lot of things in order to compensate for that… to make sure na hindi mawala yung partner (that they don’t lose their partner).”
In cases of anxious-avoidant attachment, cheating can become a way to manage these fears.
“If I started talking to someone else, connecting emotionally with someone else or even physically with someone else, somehow, it addresses ngayon yung fear na okay, if iwanan man ako ng partner ko (it now addresses the fear that, okay, if my partner leaves me), I have another person who’s already there,” Argao said.
He further explained that if a partner lacks intimacy or affection, those with anxious attachment might seek that elsewhere.
“If I have someone… na is able to satisfy that need for affection, na-address ngayon yung fear ko. So it leads ngayon to the infidelity,” he said.
For avoidant attachment, Argao said these individuals tend to avoid confrontation and issues, which causes dissatisfaction to build up over time and eventually be compensated for through cheating.
Regarding personality traits, Argao recalled a study linking infidelity to high narcissism, low conscientiousness, and high neuroticism.
He described neuroticism as “difficulty managing emotions,” which can lead to expressing insecurities through cheating. Low conscientiousness relates to “a weaker sense of right and wrong,” while narcissism involves “self-centeredness, where cheating serves to boost the narcissist’s self-image.”
“The thing about narcissists is that only themselves matter. That’s the idea. So for them, the cheating is a form of parang sila yung magaling, maganda, guwapo or desirable,” he explained. (The cheating becomes a way for them to feel like they’re the talented, beautiful, handsome, or desirable one.)
Argao also mentioned unresolved emotional trauma, often from childhood, as a factor.
“Yung idea that cheating is okay, usually that becomes a way for them to cope,” he said.
He said that growing up in environments where cheating is modeled or where people are not taught how to handle relationship problems adaptively can lead to cheating as a maladaptive coping mechanism.
“They don’t know how to cope adaptively with it. So sometimes, nagiging maladaptive coping yung cheating,” Argao said.
When gender shapes the narrative
Infidelity is often seen through a gendered lens, and Filipino culture has long perpetuated a troubling double standard.
Argao explained that in terms of gender, the issue is more highlighted. He mentioned that Filipino culture, particularly the machismo culture, plays a role.
“We have this idea that if men cheat, okay lang. Diba yung double standards. Pag babae ang nag-cheat, parang sobrang sama na niya,” he said. (That’s the double standard. When it’s the woman who cheats, she’s seen as extremely bad.)
He noted that often people dismiss men’s cheating as normal, saying, “parang lalaki kasi kaya nag-cheat-cheat (it’s like, because he’s a man, that’s why he cheats),” but when a woman cheats, they demean her with harsh words that are unacceptable. Argao believed this is why the idea that “men cheat more than women” persists, attributing it to cultural factors.
He also discussed a biological perspective, stating, “hormonally kasi males, yung sex hormones naming mga lalaki kasi is regularly, constantly produced.”
He explained that biologically, men are primed for sex almost any time, unlike women, who have a 28-day menstrual cycle affecting their sexual energy.
“For men, halos are consistent yan,” he said, which contributes to men being “more sexually active” biologically.
Argao said that these biological factors, combined with cultural acceptance of male infidelity, reinforce the notion that men are “more likely to cheat.”
“Ang line natin, lalaki kasi, or parang expected na siya sa lalaki (Our usual line is, ‘because he’s a man,’ or it’s like it’s expected of men),” and he added that this expectation makes men more, “for lack of a better term, mas open sila to cheating.”
How social media enables infidelity
In the digital age, cheating has found a new playground. According to Argao, social media has transformed the way people cheat, making it both easier to commit and harder to trace.
“Social media is a double-edged sword,” he said. On one hand, it can deter cheating due to the risk of being exposed.
“Ang dali kang ma-cancel, ang dali kang ma-post, ang dali ma-expose if you cheat,” he added. (You can easily get canceled, easily get posted about, and easily get exposed if you cheat.)
But on the other hand, it has become a tool for secrecy. Unlike the days of landlines and handwritten letters, today’s apps offer privacy features like vanishing messages and encrypted chats.
“The apps kasi themselves allow for private conversations,” Argao said, and cited Instagram’s disappearing messages and Telegram’s incognito mode.
He also pointed out how platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and dating apps have widened social circles, giving users access to potential partners beyond their physical environment.
This accessibility has paved the way for what he calls micro-cheating, liking a post, chatting late at night, or emotionally investing in someone online.
“Mas naging accessible, mas natatago,” he said. (It has become more accessible, more hidden.)
And perhaps more troubling is the normalization of these behaviors. “Magka-chat lang kami, hindi naman physical (We’re just chatting, it’s not physical anyway),” people say to downplay their actions. But Argao argued that the line between harmless engagement and emotional betrayal is increasingly blurred.
“Uso ngayon yun sa atin—yung reactions, engagement—so nawawala yung sense of guilt,” he said. (That’s common among us now—those reactions, engagements—so the sense of guilt fades away.)
He added that even infidelity is sometimes “glamorized” by pop culture and social media.
“Sometimes, celebrities or influencers who engage in infidelity receive support or tolerance from fans… nanonormalize, nanoromanticize yung idea na parang okay lang (the idea that it’s somehow okay is being normalized and romanticized),” he said.
Public exposure, private damage
Cheating doesn’t just break hearts; it also plays out publicly in today’s hyperconnected world. Argao said that once an affair becomes public, both the accuser and the accused suffer significant emotional and psychological consequences.
For the accuser, public support can feel “validating.”
“Nasa tama ako. Maling ginawa ng partner ko (I’m in the right. What my partner did was wrong),” he said. He describes how supportive comments can help victims feel seen and begin to heal.
But the online world can be unforgiving. Victims may face bullying and victim-blaming, especially in comment sections. “Ikaw kasi, hindi ka magaling na jowa (It’s your fault—you weren’t a good partner),” they’re told, even when they’re the ones betrayed.
Argao noted that such comments can deepen self-doubt, harm self-esteem, and cause emotional distress. And while exposure might initially feel empowering, it often leads to regret.
“Minsan nag-regret na—‘sana hindi ko pinost, sana hindi ko pinaalam,’” he said. (Sometimes, they end up regretting it—‘I wish I hadn’t posted it, I wish I hadn’t told anyone.)
The accused, meanwhile, are often hit hard by cancel culture. Argao cited celebrities who lose endorsements, projects, or public favor.
“It can cause public embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety, even depression,” he said.
Others lash out at the accuser, while some face their guilt head-on. Either way, Argao said, “there’s a heavy emotional toll on both parties.”
Can a relationship survive cheating?
Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is difficult, but not impossible. Argao emphasized that recovery hinges on mutual willingness and effort.
“The major cause of breakdown after infidelity is trust. When trust is broken, hindi na yan mababalik. Kung mabalik man yan, ang term nga na may lamat na siya. It’s like a glass na may lamat—hindi mo na ma-rerepair,” he said. (When trust is broken, it can’t be brought back. And even if it does come back, it’s what we call cracked. It’s like a glass with a crack—you can’t really repair it.)
Still, if both partners are committed to healing, there is hope. Argao outlined four key elements to recovery:
Accountability
The cheating partner must acknowledge their wrongdoing and commit to change.
“Without admitting, acknowledging your mistakes and acknowledging that you’re willing to change, hindi yan magle-lead (it doesn’t lead) to rebuilding,” he said.
Open Communication
Honest dialogue about what led to the affair is critical. Both partners must express their pain and needs without judgment.
“This helps them understand what went wrong and how to move forward,” Argao added.
Recalibration
After infidelity, the couple must reassess their relationship goals and expectations.
“Go back. Asan na tayo ngayon (Where are we now)? And given this experience that we both went through, where are we headed?” he said.
Forgiveness
Lastly, forgiveness is essential, not just for the betrayed partner, but also from the cheating partner, who may harbor resentment due to accusations or emotional conflict.
“Forgiveness helps both parties heal,” he said.
Cheating is subjective, and that’s exactly why it must be talked about
“When we talk about cheating,” Argao said, “I often point out that the idea of cheating is very subjective. Meaning pwede kasing yung isang partner para sa kanya cheating na ito, sa partner niya hindi.” (Meaning, it’s possible that one partner already considers it cheating, while the other does not.)
He explained that this disconnect often becomes the justification. “Hindi ko naman siya kinita, hindi kami nag-sex, hindi ako na-fall, hindi ko tinago—so hindi cheating,” is a common line. (I didn’t meet up with them, we didn’t have sex, I didn’t fall for them, I didn’t hide it—so it’s not cheating.)
But the absence of physical intimacy or secrecy doesn’t automatically mean no betrayal has occurred.
“It’s not enough to say ‘for me, this isn’t cheating,’” Argao stressed. “If your partner sees a certain behavior as a violation of their trust, then for them, that is cheating—and that matters. It can’t always be your definition that prevails.”
This, he said, is where honest conversation becomes essential.
“You really have to talk about it—what counts as cheating, what boundaries matter to each of you—because without that shared understanding, one partner could be hurting without the other even realizing it.” /csl
