ONE LIFE TO LIVE
An elderly city councilor was chatting with a couple of City Hall employees about the upcoming holiday feast.
At one point, the employees advised the male councilor to go easy on his sugar and calorie intake. “You should avoid drinking sodas. They’re bad for your health,” one of them suggested. The councilor replied, “Darling, this is my first and last life on earth. I should make the most out of it.”
WINE TALK
A drunkard walked up to a cigarette vendor on the street to buy a pack of smoke. Upon giving him his change, the vendor told the man, “Undang na sa imong pag-inom oy! Bag-ong tuig na! (It’s almost the new year, quit drinking!)” In his defense, the man retorted, “Moinom man gani ang pari. Wine baya na ilang gaimnon nga ’Dugo ni Kristo’!”
PREGGY LOOK
Blaming her binge-eating to work-related stress, a female marketing associate of a retail company has been so worked up about gaining weight that has damaged her slim figure.
One time, while she was queuing for a boat ride, a security guard asked for her identification card and was perplexed because her ID photo didn’t match her present appearance.
“Niwang lage kaayo ka dinhi, ma’am? (Why, you look so slim here, ma’am)?” Just when she was about to reply, the security guard added, “Buros ka, ma’am (Are you pregnant)?”
Trying to maintain her composure, the lady flashed a smile then replied, “Nope.”
She then grabbed her ID and left, screaming expletives inside her head.