In a country dominated by the religious and the sensitive, it is easy to cringe when someone so artistically loud with words pierces right through you with raw, undesirable and uncensored truth.
Sade Andria Zabala, a 22-year old freelance published author who’s currently based in Surigao, tells CDN what she’s made of and how her poems can roar with pain, envy, and hope all at the same time.
Sade is a poet. But contrary to the poets we’ve come to familiarize, she is fresh and unafraid and assertive.
With over 200 poems, her pen has proven to be effective. Anyone can claim to be a writer but not that many can prove their goods with a published book—at just 21 years old!
She has, in every way, every right to be called a local celebrity. As of this writing, she is even gearing up for a local channel to feature her and her literature. Even a popular blog site has featured her works!
She is, what you call “underground” famous. Famous to her followers and readers, but averagely just like all of us on the outside.
At first glance, you will see nothing more than just a small girl who’s barely 5-feet tall. Beneath that though, is a girl with a huge heart. She may be tactless, but that’s one of the things that make her stand out.
A self-confessed hot tempered person herself, Sade claims that she draws encouragement in writing from her everyday life with the everyday people she’s around or comes across.
Her words can inspire just as much as it can sting, and there’s no stopping where her words will touch you.
We had the chance to talk to her up-close and hear what she has to say.
Sade Zabala (FACEBOOK GRAB FROM SADE ZABALA’S ACCOUNT)
SO YOU’RE A PUBLISHED WRITER —A POET AT THAT. IF SOMEONE WERE TO ASK YOU, “WHO IS SADE ZABALA? HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER?
I’m Sade. I eat words and drink sunlight. I’m a twenty-two year old writer/surfer trying to figure out life like everyone else. Some people call me a cynic, some an ice queen.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF TALENTED WRITERS OUT THERE. WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKES YOU SO DIFFERENT?
SADE: I use swear words? (Laughs) I’m kidding. I think it’s my being raw and honest, at least that what my readers say.
I say what’s in my head and heart, even if society and my family tells me “No, that’s improper! What would people
think about you?!” I write clearly about what hurts. I write beautifully about what people don’t want to hear.
COOL. OTHER THAN BEING A WRITER, DO YOU HAVE A DAY JOB? WHAT KEEPS YOU BUSY? WHAT’S YOUR SOURCE OF INCOME?
SADE: Not really. I’m lucky enough to have my parents support me while I wait for my visa and for them to let me live one entire year traveling and doing what I love. I freelance write/edit online sometimes, which is how I got my book published. It’s enough to pay for little luxuries. My book sales help me as well.
YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR VISA? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
SADE: I want to move to Australia. I feel like there’s nothing here for me in the Philippines. Certainly not the guy I’m gonna marry (hahahahaha) I’m very anti-filipino, sorry. I’d rather move to Europe, the boys there are hotter. But beggars can not be choosers (laughs) I’m joking.
MANY OF YOUR POEMS ARE ABOUT BOYS AND HEARTBREAK. ARE YOU ALWAYS IN THE LOOKOUT FOR “THE ONE”?
SADE: I’m like… a hopeless romantic disguised as a cynic. I’ve seen how shitty guys can be. How love isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. There’s a dark side to it most people don’t know about – abuse, addiction, despair. I know it’s super ridiculous. But I thought I found “the one” in my ex who my book is about. So despite my cynicism. I know that that kind of relationship exists. I know it’s possible. So that’s why I’m still single – I refuse to settle for anything less. I learned to love myself in the meantime, anyway. I was always in a relationship since I was like 15. I’ve never been alone. I was so dependent on my ex to the point of emotional and physical abuse. Both our faults. So it was good that i became single. I learned so much about myself, and it especially helped improve my writing.
HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE YOU BEEN IN AND IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT THAT ONE EX ONLY? OR IS IT A COMPILATION OF MANY EXES.
SADE: It’s about one ex. There are some pieces that are about another ex, but I only threw it in there for compilation’s sake. The essence of coffee and cigarettes is my relationship with my first real love. You know what they say, the first one always hurts the most. I’ve had three serious relationships. My book is mainly about my second ex, a Swiss.
SPEAKING OF YOUR WRITING, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR LITERATURE. WHAT’S THE NAME OF YOUR BOOK AND HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT?
SADE: It’s title is Coffee and Cigarettes. I’d say it’s embarrassing because when I look at it now, I saw how so in love I was. It’s an open letter to my ex that everyone, including family, can read. And it’s like how you feel when you write a really good essay for school, then you read it again a year later and you just cringe at how horrible your writing was (laughs).
WE’VE READ SOME OF YOUR WORK, AND YOU POST MANY OF YOUR WRITE-UPS ONLINE. WHY ARE YOUR POETRY ALWAYS FILLED WITH RAGE?
SADE: Yes, I post my poetry on my website and Facebook page. Coffee and cigarettes by Sade Andria Zabala on FB and www.sadeandriazabala.com. As for the rage, it fuels me, I guess. I used to be a very negative person, still am sometimes with my depression. But my best friend’s been on a mission to make me more positive. So I guess it shows in my writing. People tell me I’m very cold and shy when they meet me. Especially the guys I date. That’s your outward perspective. In my point of view inside of me there’s this huge raging passion for everything bubbling, just waiting to burst. So I guess it seeps out of the cracks and shows in my writing.
YOU SEEM TO BE VERY SPONTANEOUS AND LIBERATED. WHY IS THAT?
SADE: Probably because I’m encased in such a conservative culture. But my personality… I’ve always been like this. And the only outlet I have is my writing. Being liberated is good. We’re honest, we’re real, we’re raw. It’s our openness that makes you and everyone else so uncomfortable with us. We don’t fit in your box or labels or norms or rules and that makes you uncomfortable. I hate it. Society can be such a bitch sometimes. I’ve met nicer people during my island life. Both foreigners and filipinos alike. They’re super liberated as hell you’d think they’d burn in hell right this second with all the shit they do. But they are so kind. So generous. So helpful. These are the people that come together to raise funds for cities in our country everytime there’s a deadly typhoon. These are people that get wasted on Friday nights, and help you fix your car on Sunday morning. I’ve met typical Filipinos who are God-fearing, religious, prim and proper, abiding to the rules, and whatnot. And honestly, you’re all just a bunch of hypocrites. Judgmental hypocrites trapped in your idiosyncrasy and culture. That’s why you cheat on your wives, back stab your best friends, because you’re trapped in this one dimensional box despite your going to church every Sunday. And that’s so sad.
SO WHAT SHOULD BE DONE? WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY TO LIVE?
SADE: Well, If you need the possibility of a divine reward to help get you through the day, to encourage you to become a good person, then what does that say about your way of living? We should be good people because we’re good people. Not because some big guy in the sky promises us some nirvana when we die. I believe in the religion of kindness. Having sex and being liberated doesn’t make you the devil, just like being Filipino and going to church doesn’t make you a saint. That is my philosophy in life, the religion of kindness.
ARE YOU KIND?
SADE: I’d like to believe so. It takes a lot of effort to be nice, it’s against my mean-girl nature. But it breaks my heart seeing people suffer, despite my inner superiority complex. I like to volunteer everytime there’s a fundraiser of some sort during typhoon season. Two years ago or so during Typhoon Ondoy, my readers helped raise hundreds of dollars! I used the money to buy boxes of goods and shipped them off to CDO. I’m selectively kind, I guess. If you’re an ass to me, don’t expect me to take your shit sitting down. I’m not a victim. I’m a Bidang kontrabida (laughs)
WHAT FAITH DO YOU BELONG TO?
SADE: I’m Catholic. I believe in God. I believe in karma and the universe’s infinity. But I don’t follow the Bible. It’s called the Old Testament for a reason. It’s a story book, written by a bunch of writers, like me and coming from a writer, we use a lot of metaphors. So I don’t take the Catholic rules of god so seriously. I mean I’m not going to murder anytime soon (LOL) But I’m not gonna say gay people are an abomination or that liberated women should be stoned to death.
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS?
SADE: My parents? Um. My mom feels more like my sister, we’re not that close. There’s a bit of resentment in there. I rarely write about it. I’m better at ignoring it. My dad is not a part of my life anymore.
Well, he and my mom separated when I was two. They just finalized their annulment two years ago. I haven’t seen him since I was 16, maybe. When I arrived in Cebu and searched for him ala-MMK, much tears were shed. But after that, I realized he’s a stranger. I felt nothing for him. So I cut him out of my life. Changed my last name to my grandfather’s who raised me and is my parental figure. I’d die without him, I love him so much seriously.
HOW ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS, DO YOU HAVE A CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WHO ARE ALSO WRITERS LIKE YOU?
SADE: No. All by my lonesome. My friends write, but they’re not making it a lifestyle or a career.
DO YOU ASPIRE TO WRITE EVEN MORE BOOKS IN THE FUTURE? WILL THESE STILL BE A COMPILATION OF POETRY, OR ARE YOU CONSIDERING WRITING AN ACTUAL NOVEL?
SADE: Yeah, of course. But looking at my website right now, I don’t want to get into that knee-deep shit, too much work (haha). For sure I will compile another book of poetry, I’m already planning the title and layout in my head when I’m daydreaming. Novels? Maybe. I can never commit to the amount of time and dedication and research a novel needs. That’s why poetry is my specialty. I’m lazy and narcissistic haha.I want people to know my story. About me, who I am – I want to exist long after I’m dead rotting in a cemetery. Poetry helps me accomplish that better than a novel. That’s what I’m afraid of, I guess. Dying a nobody. Being forgotten. If I have to live alone for the rest of my life and never find “the one,” then whatever, so be it, But I want my words to exist. I want to exist.
DOES CEBU HAVE A STRONG COMMUNITY FOR POETS AND WRITERS IN GENERAL?
SADE: No. The Philippines is lacking in this so much. I only know of UP’s group, I forgot the name and it was an outside school group the students created. They invited me but I never had the time. I wish there were more opportunities for poets! Contests, seminars, slam poetry, meetings, groups, anything! I’d be the first one in line.
WHAT IS YOUR ADVICE TO THE YOUNGER WRITERS OUT THERE?
Honesty and training. Know your shit. Before you can write pretty, write properly. Perfect your grammar, punctuation, and the general rules of English. Once you have that, then you have the liberty of writing whatever the hell you want. Most writers that ask me for advice are so shy. Be confident.
Who gives a shit what I think about your writing? My opinion doesn’t matter, nor does anyone else’s.
Write, write, write, no matter how bad it is or how shitty it sounds. Read other writers, and write write write. Challenge yourself to write even when you have writer’s block, to write about things you’re not comfortable with. Just write. Your talent will grow and expand by itself. But I’d love to be able to share my experience to younger writers, as I’m sure a lot of obscure poets in the city are, too.
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It was in many ways and levels, refreshing to speak with an artist with such candidness and distinct direction.
Here’s an excerpt of Sade’s poetry:
TO THE BOY WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE: YOU WANTED TO BE A POEM SO I MADE YOU ONE
You thought it would be poetic
to f*** the girl who’d write about you?
Alright, let’s give it a go then –
You’re the boy who’s used to having
girls being handed to you on a silver platter.
You think it’s fun to have me eating
out of the palm of your hand, well
I think that’s funny coming from someone who says
they hate the game, but God do you play it well.
You pick your teeth
with the loneliness you smelled
from my bones and every girl you’ve ever undone
but joke’s on you, love,
you need us more than we need you.
Without our blood staining your tongue
all you’d taste is
how empty you’ve become
and how so hard you’re trying to be you.
You called me a coward, and maybe I am but
at least I admit it. You think you’re brave
the way you blaze through life with closed wrists?
It takes more guts to be gentle and kind.
It takes more guts to let the darkness swallow you whole than
to hold a torch screaming how indestructible you are.
(You can order her book at https://www.lulu.com/shop/sade-andria-zabala/coffee-and-cigarettes/paperback/product-20630260.html)