If there was a subtitle to this article, it would be “The Idiot Cebuano Driver.” The other night as I weaved through the bumper-to-bumper traffic along the stretch of Archbishop Reyes Avenue near Ayala Center to the subdivision in Banilad where I live, I mused at the sheer number of idiot drivers in Cebu. Consider this: a taxi driver to my right suddenly decided to change lanes by inching tightly in front of my vehicle, without even the courtesy of signal light. Of course, I gave him a lesson or two in courteous driving by making it impossible for him to shift lanes on that tight spot.
As if that was not enough, I was trailing an old off-white Toyota Revo until the inner streets of the subdivision where I live. In the entire time that the driver took a right turn to the subdivision’s main road, then a left to one street leading to the clubhouse and four more right turns until he or she reached what was presumably his or her house, never did I experience the benefit of a signal light. All the time I was right behind, making sure whoever was behind me knew my intentions ahead of time via the all-important signal light.
At around 10:30 a.m. yesterday, another idiot was driving in front of me along the same stretch of the avenue near Ayala. This one, on board a metallic silver Isuzu D-Max, suddenly stopped in the middle of Archbishop Reyes Avenue, and, because I had to blow the car horn, then decided to use his/her signal light right on the very spot where he or she was about to turn left to the Isuzu Car Center on the opposite side.
And we all wonder why this country is going nowhere? What compounds the traffic congestion caused by simultaneous road repairs and widening projects all over Metro Cebu is the presence of these idiotic drivers that make you wonder how they got a license to drive in the first place.
Here is a checklist I prepared for the first-time visitor to understand how a Cebuano idiot driver behaves:
1.The idiot driver makes a left or right turn anywhere at his or her own volition, no matter if there are two solid straight yellow lines indicating an imaginary island.
2.The idiot driver, whether on board a public utility vehicle or a private one, stops to pick up passengers anywhere and everywhere, unmindful of all kinds of street signs forbidding loading, stopping etc.
3.The idiot driver does not know when and how to use signal lights on his/her car, perhaps thinking that all motorists are equipped with psychic powers and can read each others’ minds while driving.
4.The idiot driver who actually has some inkling as to the purpose of a signal light uses it only at the exact moment when he or she is about to make a turn, unable to fathom the true meaning of the word “signal.”
5.The idiot driver puts all kinds of gadgets on the car, lowers its axles to the point that he or she has to slow down on rutted roads, thus adding to traffic congestion.
6.The idiot driver uses high-intensity diode (HID) lamps at night, causing temporary blindness to drivers of on-coming vehicles. HID is banned all over the world but apparently in Cebu, you are macho if you drive with these blinding white lights that can probably be seen on Mars if these were aimed skyward.
7.The idiot driver is a motorcycle or a four-wheel vehicle driver who cannot decide which lane to take and therefore drives right over single/double white or yellow lines between lanes preventing other cars from otherwise using either lane.
8.The idiot driver was probably given his or her car by idiot parents, either recently or a long time ago, who did not bother to teach them courtesy and road discipline.
9.The idiot driver got his license to drive for some surreptitious reason, and has no idea of the meaning of white or yellow lines, broken or solid, that are painted on the streets.
10.Finally, the idiot driver knows how to read and speak in English, perhaps even works in a bank, university or even call center, but cannot understand these words “SLOW VEHICLES MOVE TO RIGHT LANE” that are plastered all over the South Coastal Road.
Translated into Philippine politics and governance, it is no wonder this country is always mired in underdevelopment and self-centered politics. Thousands do not even know how to drive with discipline and dignity and with respect for others. Thus we compound further the traffic congestion due to road constructions. Rich or poor, a nation with many idiots will of course have these idiots spilling out their idiocy on the road.