Robin Padilla —FILE
MANILA, Philippines — Consensual sex between married partners was at the center of the Senate’s Thursday hearing, leading Sen. Robinhood Padilla to ask: What if the husband is “in the mood” for sex, but the wife refuses, what would happen?
Padilla, who heads the chamber’s panel on public information and mass media, is leading a probe into the policies of television networks and artist management agencies in relation to complaints of abuse and harassment.
At the end of Padilla’s prodding was Atty. Lorna Kapunan of Kapunan & Castillo Offices.
“Halimbawa po, syempre hindi mo maaalis sa mag-asawa na ang paniwala — lalo kami o ako — meron kang sexual rights sa asawa mo eh. So halimbawa, hindi mo naman pinipili eh kung kailan ka in heat. So paano ‘yun kapag ayaw ng asawa mo? Wala pong ibang paraan talaga para maano ‘yung lalaki? So paano yun? Mambababae ka na lang ba? Eh di kasong kaso na naman ‘yun,” Padilla said.
(For example, of course, you cannot remove this belief among married partners – especially for us, me – that you have sexual rights to your partner. So for example, you can’t choose the time when you’ll be in heat. So what if your wife doesn’t want to? Wouldn’t there be any way to satisfy the husband? What would happen, should we just resort to adultery? That is another case.)
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Kapunan said it’s no longer a legal but more of a psychosocial issue.
Padilla continued to press.
“Halimbawa mapilit yung lalaki. Ano yung sa legal na puwede niyang gawin? Puwede bang will you help me na lang? Kapag Tagalog kasi hindi mo masabi baka bastos ang dating. Anong puwedeng gawin na lang ng babae?” Padilla said.
(For example, the guy is insisting. What legal action should he take? Can he ask his partner to help him? If it’s in Tagalog, it might sound off. What would the woman do?)
‘Not arbitrary’
Kapunan said there are times when a woman’s no is “not arbitrary.”
She cited instances where husbands are drunk and under the influence of drugs, leading women to turn down the invitations of their partners.
Padilla said he was not talking about drunk husbands, clarifying that he is pertaining to partners who are inviting their wives out of pure “urge.”
“Siguro naman sasangayon naman sa akin ang mga taumbayan kapag sinabi kong may ibang urge talaga ang mga lalaki talaga. Talagang nandun eh. So paano ‘yun nandyan ang asawa mo to serve you, ayaw niya? So paanong, anong puwede kong sabihin sa kanya? Mahal o babe, ano ba? Please help me in a way,” he said.
(Maybe people will agree with me when I say that men’s sexual urges are different. It’s really there. So what if your partner is there to serve you, but she doesn’t want to? What can I say to her? Love or babe, what’s this?)
Kapunan said: “Kailangan po ng counseling o magdasal na lang po kayo. Manood po kayo [sa] Netflix [o] Korean Telenovela.”
(Undergo counseling or just pray. Watch some Netflix or Korean Telenovela.)
Kapunan tells Padilla: Wife has no obligation to serve her husband
Kapunan also emphasized that it is important for married partners to take note of the importance of mutual respect.
“If your spouse refuses, whether valid or hindi, respetuhin natin ‘yung decision ng wife or ng husband in that case,” she said.
(If your spouse refuses, whether valid or not, let’s respect the decision of our wife or husband in that case.)
In the end, she corrected Padilla’s earlier statement, noting that it is not the obligation of a wife “to serve the husband.”
Padilla clarified that he was only citing what was perceived as “normal” and what was “instilled” among most.
“Hindi po, ‘di ba yun ang normal? Yun ang na-instill sa atin,” he said.
(No, but isn’t that what was perceived as normal? That’s what was instilled in us.)