Whatever meanings people assign to marriage, Islam views it as a strong bond (mithaqun ghaleez), a challenging commitment in the fullest sense of the word. It is a commitment to life itself, to society and to the dignified, meaningful survival of the human race. It is a commitment that married partners make to one another as well as to God.
It is kind of commitment in which they find mutual fulfillment and self-realization, love and peace, compassion and serenity, comfort and hope. All this is because marriage in Islam is regarded first and foremost as a righteous act, an act of responsible devotion.
Sexual control may be a mortal triumph, reproduction a social necessity or service, and sound health a gratifying state of mind. Yet, these values and purposes of marriage would take on a special meaning and be reinforced if they are intertwined with the idea of God, conceived also as religious commitments, and internalized as divine blessings. And this seems to be the focal point of marriage in Islam.
To paraphrase some Qur’anic verses, the call is addressed to mankind to be dutiful to God, Who created them from a single soul, and from it or of it created its mate, and from the two of them scattered abroad many men and women Qur’an (4:1). It was God Who created mankind out of one living soul, and created of that soul a spouse so that he might find comfort and rest in her Qur’an (7:107). And it is a sign of God that He has created for men, of themselves, mates to seek in their company peace and tranquility, and has set between them mutual love and mercy.
Surely, in that are signs for those who contemplate Qur’an (30:21). Even at the most trying times of married life, and in the midst of legal disputes and litigation, the Qur’an reminds the parties of God’s law; it commands them to be kind to one another, truly charitable toward one another and above all dutiful to God.
On the Husband-Wife Relationship there are many statements in the Qur’an and the Sunnah Tradition of Prophet Mohammad (S.A.W.) that prescribe kindness and equity, compassion and love, sympathy and consideration, patience and goodwill. The Prophet goes as far as to declare that the best Muslim is the one who is best to his family, and the greatest, most blessed joy in life is a good righteous wife.
The role of the husband evolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to God to treat his wife with kindness, honor and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief (Qur’an 2:229-232; 4:19). The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them Qur’an (2:228). This degree is usually interpreted by Muslim scholars in conjunction with another passage which states, among other things, that men are trustees, guardians, and protectors of women because God has made some of them to excel above others and because men expend of their means (Qur’an, 4:34). This degree may be likened to what sociologist call “instrumental leadership” or external authority in the household due to the division of labor and role differentiation. It does not, however, mean any categorical discrimination or superiority of one sex to the other.
The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate.
She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur’anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray: “Our Lord! Grant unto us, wives, offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness” (Qur’an, 25:74).
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest. More specifically, she must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny. Nor must she allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right, i.e. sexual intimacy. A corollary of this is that she must not receive or entertain strange males in her home without his knowledge and consent. Nor may she accept their gifts without his approval.
This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned. The husband’s possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission, the husband has the right to interfere with her freedom to rectify the situation. To insure maximum self-fulfillment for both partners, he is not permitted to do anything on his part that may impede her gratification.