Bangkok — In my absence from Casa Ruffolo Uno, the date jar has been placed in a little corner by Jeff’s work desk and there it is: sitting, lingering, waiting for its other owner to come home from her solo sojourn.
The date jar was proposed by Jeff a few years back so we don’t run out of weekly date night ideas given our busy work schedules.
It has been a delightful part of our marriage and has made us look forward to every week for “draw date,” the specific day allocated for picking the date night idea for the week.
I have dragged my husband to a four-hour singing spree that made him realize that his wife is a frustrated singer and can actually channel her inner Adele and Gloria Estefan.
Jeff, in turn, had taken me to ridiculous movie nights which I swear I will never watch had it not been the mandate of the date jar to follow what the paper says.
I’m currently in the rustic Hotel De Moc in Bangkok — booked courtesy of my good friends Kamilla and New — and my mind is full of crazy date night ideas which I will scribble and drop in the date jar when I’m home. Jeff will probably resent being married to me the moment he reads one of them.
So . . . how to start your date jar?
Choose a jar. I initially thought of a fish bowl but my husband picked a medium-sized plastic cookie jar which, he said, will stand the wrath of rampaging mutants (also known as our three children) who often invades our bedroom to look for things and spaces to conquer.
Give each other 12 to 15 sheets of colored paper. I teach children so I love colors and I incorporate that in my relationships. In those sheets of paper, write your date-night ideas. It can be videoke night, unlimited chicken wings dinner or no-brainer night at home with a chick flick. Roll those sheets and place them in the jar.
Decide which day of the week is date night. You don’t need to stick on a specific day, but make sure that you religiously follow your weekly couple alone time.
Choose your “draw date.” In our case, date night is on Fridays, so draw date is on Mondays. Jeff said that gives time for you to prepare for date night in case the idea involves a restaurant reservation or a call to Mom to take care of the children while you’re out for three hours.
Agree to take turns in picking which idea gets picked for a particular week. For instance, on week 1, wife gets to pick the paper from the jar; on week 2, it’s husband’s turn; wife on week 3, husband on week 4 and so on.
If it is wife’s turn to pick, open the rolled sheet of paper immediately to check if the idea is NOT yours. If the idea is yours, then put it back. YOU have to pick a date night idea that is your partner’s idea.
Some friends told me that this is a tedious practice. I say if you are committed to keep the relationship exciting, then you will work on creative ways (e.g., the date jar) to spice up your marriage.
I remember Mandaue City Mayor Luigi Quisumbing reminding couples who were part of the free mass wedding sponsored by the Pag-IBIG Fund to continue “finding reasons to love each other” after the wedding.
He is right.
Marriage is not a culmination of date nights, vacations and romantic surprises. It does get more realistic and practical after a couple of years of living under one roof with that person who showered you with bouquets of flowers and chocolates during courtship stage. For some, the flowers and the chocolates disappear a couple of years after marriage especially when there are bills to pay and the children’s tuition fees become top priorities.
I feel that many relationships fail because they view marriage as the end goal. If we are to view it that way, then there goes the reason why relationship goes on a downward spiral after the “I dos.” On the contrary, marriage is where it begins because that is when the promise of commitment really kicks in. It’s choosing to stay with the person even when he can’t seem to remember to change the toilet paper roll, or when she refuses to wash dishes because she’s plain lazy.
I don’t know how other couples do it but for Jeff and I, the date jar is a constant reminder that our identity as a couple is not overwhelmed by our responsibilities as parents.