HOW TO SPEND NEW YEAR
How you elect to spend New Year’s Eve will depend on your:
1. age
2. remaining levels of optimism
3. threshold of pain
OPTIMIST, PESSIMIST
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
CUP RUNNETH OVER
On New Years, just remember: if your cup runneth over, you’ve probably reached your limit.
POSITIVE TEST RESULTS
New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
BIG SARDINES
The first week of January, gyms and yoga classes everywhere are packed with people who made new years resolutions to tone up. It’s like sardines in there. Big sardines. But they’re all gone by February.
FIRST BASE
I think it’s great to make your first date a New Year’s party. That way, you’re at least sure you’ll get to first base.
BROKEN RESOLUTIONS
Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
Source:funnyjokes-quotes.sayings.com
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