Dear Ms. Belle,
Ever since we were kids people said that my sister is the most beautiful not only in our family but also among cousins. Because of that, she was somehow “the favored one.”
My mother would buy her nice dresses because it looks good on her. She catches everyone’s eye during family gatherings. But my sister doesn’t relish the attention given to her.
Actually, she gets annoyed when our mother dotes on her, making sure that she looks all pretty. While shopping, when my mother sees a nice blouse, skirt or accessory, she’ll say, “Angay na sa imong Ate.” Despite all the attention she gets with respect to her looks, my sister isn’t getting the kind of care that she needs.
There’s no meaningful conversation between them. My mother says, “Here’s something I got for you” or “Angay ni nimo.” My sister thanks her, and that’s it. She goes to my room and complains that our mother only talks to her about clothes, accessories and skin care but never really listens to her.
There are three girls in our family and my mom has more interaction with me and my younger sister. Like we go shopping, laugh at jokes and all that, but that’s not the case for my beautiful sister. I guess our mother adores my sister for her looks, and even her weight is monitored. In contrast, chubby me is never asked how much I weigh. I pity my sister because she is unhappy. What can I do?
Ida
Dear Ida,
Your mom may not have outgrown the playing house stage of her life. She seems to be treating your sister as her special doll. Many women While they were young play “balay-balay” where they play characters or use dolls to act as characters. Girls play dress up and pretend situations. When they grow up, they find other interesting things. They do the dressing up themselves, discard the dolls, meet boys, get married and have kids.
So in a way, the dolls are manifestation of the maternal instinct. Most women outgrow it and take care of their children. In your mother’s case, she dolls up your sister.
Thus, your sister is not someone to have a relationship with, not one to laugh with or cry with or shop with. Your sister is just for display. Unfortunately, your sister must enjoy this special attention given by your mother. Otherwise she would complain, assert her own way. Though you are a concerned daughter and sister, the problem lies with your mom and sister. They have to come to terms with growth, change and aging.
Let them solve their own problem. Meanwhile, have fun with your relationship with your mom. Unless, you may be a little jealous of the attention your sister is getting. Then, you have to resolve that yourself.
Ms. Belle
