“A family that texts together…”

Ongkingco

Father Patrick Peyton, famous for propagating the praying of the Holy Rosary as a family, used to say that “A family that prays together, stays together.” For many years, his advice has been the secret to family unity, peace and love. Today, there is a need to recover his wise and simple counsel because the family is being dismantled, buffeted and emptied of love.

The family is being sucked deeper into a storm surge of anxieties, distractions and individualistic indulgences. This is mainly attributed to technological advances that, in the guise of facilitating connectivity and communication, are actually erecting fortified digital walls between family members.

The portrait of the digital division is found in a family around a dining table, each formally dressed for a solemn family celebration, the table is decked with elegant covers and fine trimmings, rich and sumptuous food is accompanied by fine silverware and dining ware. The food, however, grows cold and untouched, the silverware and dishes are unused because each one is busy indulging on a smartphone, tablet and another gadget.

A concerted effort to establish firm and reasonable measures in the family is needed, otherwise its members may be only physically present but personally and interiorly detached from the others. For example, the children may have Facebook accounts where their parents or siblings are not their friends. Smartphones may become a source of dumb arguments when anxious parents scold their children for not answering immediately, to which the children reply defensively that they didn’t read or hear their call/message. School work and house chores are neglected as video games, movies and music become an addictive digital quicksand for both young and old.

The solution is obviously not getting rid of technology. It is cooperating to grow in virtue through the responsible use of gadgets, social or other forms of digital media. Naturally, the parents should lead by example, creating atmospheres that foster the family’s dignity and identity. Here are some helpful tips:

• Define sacred spaces. The family has to agree that these spaces (i.e. living room, dining room, study room and other special areas) have to be respectfully cleared (or minimized) of digital distractions. The main attraction of these areas are the people there and not one’s gadgets or toys.

• Stop, look and listen. When someone speaks or asks anything, everyone agrees to drop whatever they’re doing — including non-digital stuff — to pay attention to the person’s face and listen. This helps to get things through and avoid misunderstandings.

• Multi-bonding. Multitasking may accomplish many things but isolating oneself from the others. Emphasize doing things with the others (i.e. chores, watching a movie and prayers) which is more enjoyable and unforgettable.

• Family sharewares. Foster sharing and serving through concrete material things more than virtual shares and links. For example, offer to do another’s chore in the house or take someone for a treat somewhere.

• Prayer together. Perhaps, nothing beats the best advice already mentioned above. If members not only pray together, but look forward to this moment of spiritual unity, then each one becomes a strong link supporting the others.