‘Troubled couples should talk, work things out’
Couples facing marital problems should seek help before things worsen and they end up like the man who killed his three children and mother-in-law in Catmon town, northern Cebu last Sunday.
Dr. Glenda Basubas, president of the Philippine Mental Association (PMHA)-Cebu chapter, said that based on facts gathered in the case, Eric may have tried to use the children he had with Jomeline as a bargaining chip before he lost control.
“He used their children as a sort of revenge on his wife by making her feel guilty for something she did. In psychology, this is often called extended suicide. It’s like telling your wife that if you don’t want me anymore, I will take the children with me. What happened to Eric was similar to trying to make his wife feel guilty,” Dr. Basubas said.
Based on data from the Cebu provincial police, the number of suicides rose to 52 or 6.1 percent from January to July this year compared to 49 deaths for the same period last year.
Of that number, 43 were men aged 21-30 while nine were women.
The causes were peer, family or society pressures.
Verbal abuse
Cebu Daily News recorded five suicides from September to Oct. 5 and these involved males who ended their lives over failed relationships and embarrassment.
“We need to identify the stressor on a person’s life or as in Eric’s case, his drug addiction,” Dr. Basubas said.
She said not all personality disorders or nervous breakdowns show immediate symptoms and thus couples should be on guard for any warning signs in their marriage or relationship.
“This always begin with verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is tantamount to emotional abuse and is comparable to physical abuse. Any warning signs should be reported to the police or the Department of Social Welfare and Development,” Dr. Basubas said.
She said jealousy can occur in any marriage or relationship and couples need to acknowledge their feelings, swallow their pride and work it out between them.
Dr. Basubas said giving the silent treatment is not advisable because it will only fuel and not resolve feelings of resentment.
“If things get worse, they can always undergo couple therapy,” she said.
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