Dear Ms. Belle,
For many years, I ‘ve had to endure my husband’s flirting. Even when I’m around, he ogles other women and flirts with them. We have been married for 20 years and let’s say I’ve been suffering for the past 15 years. We have three sons. I’ll give you an example. We went to a party where we met our former classmates in high school. One of the ladies he had a crush on back then was there, and my husband spent all the time talking with her. I was not really left alone because I mingled with other friends. But somehow I felt offended because even if I was nearby, he was talking, laughing, even taking selfies with his high school crush. Worse, he told me to hitch a ride with one of our friends because he was taking the other girl home. Very discreetly, I whispered to him, “Wala kay batasan, Unsa nalang nawong nako sa atong mga kauban.” He answered, “Sus, dautan raka ug huna-huna.” So I went home alone and really cried. When he came home the next day, he got angry because I made a scene prompting his friends to tease him about his wife looking mad. Ma’am, I’ve lost count of other similar incidents. I’ve thought of leaving him a long time ago, but older relatives tell me that it’s not good to break up a marriage, and that a man will always go home to his wife. Sadly, even my parents are on his side and advise that I should be more understanding because my husband is just flirting around and he never built a house for another woman. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am really hurting.
Ella
Dear Ella,
Your husband’s conduct is appalling! You may call it emotional and psychological abuse. The problem about abusive relationships is that the longer it stretches, the more difficult it is to cut off. You’ve tolerated his behavior for the past 15 or so years. That means you have implicit approval even if deep inside you’ve been hurting. Have you tried to talk with your husband calmly and reasonably about how hurt you are when he does something inappropriate? Or does it end into an argument and you just let it go for peace at home? You said that your parents have accepted the situation as long as he has not built a house for another woman. What is in him that your parents have sacrificed your happiness and even dignity? Is he wealthier than your family? Does he give some form of support for your parents that they seem to exhibit loyalty to him? Most often people act according to benefits that they get. How about you? Why have you tolerated this kind of disrespect for your feelings and image with friends? If this wanton disregard for your feelings acceptable to you, that you have to grin and bear it? If it’s not, then plan your move. If he is the sole source of funds in the household, then you have to see how you could be more independent. You have three sons. What do they say about this? They must be hurting, too. If they tolerate this kind of behavior, chances are they will do this to their wives, too. You decide. Can you live with this behavior for the rest of your life? Or have you truly had enough of it?
Ms. Belle
