Super spy Natasha Romanoff a.k.a. The Black Widow leaps onto the silver screen with her first, full length adventure.
Whoops.
Sorry.
Wrong movie.
But in truth, this could be a film about the celebrated Russian comic book superheroine turned Avenger, but instead we have yet another dull, boring and thoroughly dreadful “thriller” staring, you guessed it, the world’s greatest pontificator of truth and virtue, the one and only … Jennifer Lawrence.
And oh is she ever appalling in this film, “Red Sparrow” with the worst fake American/Russian accent imaginable.
We have seen this “Red Sparrow” movie before … in 2015’s “Avengers: Age of
Ultron,” the American superhero film based on the Marvel Comics superhero team the Avengers. In it, Scarlett Johansson, truly a world class actress in comparison to the high-brow Ms. Lawrence, as the superheroine known as Black Widow who has a “mystical flashback” to her youth in a Russian spy school where she was medically experimented on—she cannot have children (as in ever)—and is trained to do nothing more than kill.
Kill.
And kill some more.
Taking its cue from the Avengers, “Red Sparrow” is almost duplicated scene from scene.
Here is the official synopsis: “Prima ballerina Dominika Egorova (Lawrence) facing a bleak and uncertain future after she suffers an injury that ends her career. She soon turns to Sparrow School, a secret intelligence service that trains exceptional young people to use their minds and bodies as weapons.
Egorova emerges as the most dangerous Sparrow after completing the sadistic training process. As she comes to terms with her new abilities, Dominika meets a CIA agent who tries to convince her that he is the only person she can trust”.
While at the spy school, Egorova quickly finds out that rejecting the orders of her superiors will never be tolerated as the former ballerina is part of one human atrocity after another.
There is nothing sacred as torture runs rampant and our would-be heroine is raped in a shower stall by one of her classmates.
“Red Sparrow” is not a family-friendly movie!
Now, I’m not saying that Justin Haythe, who wrote the screenplay from the 2013 novel by Jason Matthews, actually stole any of these ideas from that Avengers flick. But in truth, there is nothing new that comes out of Hollywood’s movie machine and “Red Sparrow” will stay in the theaters for no longer than it takes to load up the first reel of another “blockbuster” in waiting.
Perhaps what also will turn away viewers from “Red Sparrow” are recent news reports that Ms. Lawrence, 27, has announced to the world that plans to take a year off work in order to “save democracy”.
Like you, Dear Reader, I hate being lectured by overhyped and overpaid actors who, in the case of “Red Sparrow,” offer a second-rate performance.
As a fully trained assassin, Ms. Lawrence slowly walks in and out of scenes with that “one thousand yard stare” that anyone who have lived and worked in New York City picks up as a personal defensive ploy.
But again this former ballerina, looking straight away and without blinking, does so with an uncomfortable ease as if she is covered in transparent plastic.
Truly creepy.
“Red Sparrow” is a slow, plodding espionage caper and as the dutiful super spy that she is, Egorova’s ample amorous assets are (more than once) on full display to hypnotize the sexually weak (specifically her male US opponent Joel Edgerton) and like the “black widow” that she is, her muscle-bound male counterparts from the spy school are always one step behind to help pounce on up any would be victim who tries to get away.
And as the body count starts to rise, there is less and less of Dominika Egorova left as a person.
Enter the automaton.
“Red Sparrow” is Jennifer Lawrence on overload. Just like the recent outings by Tom Cruise, every single scene has this mega superstar in it and frankly—it is just too much. Not only is it too much, it is sickening to hear her whine and moan about her life going nowhere.
This is when I wanted to stop the film, walk right into the silver screen and slap her silly!
I lay the blame of all of this stinking horse pudding squarely on the lap of Francis Lawrence who directed Ms. Lawrence in two of the Hunger Games films—“Catching Fire” in 2012 and “Mockingjay-Part 2” in 2015.
Here with “Red Sparrow” he missteps with the audience, thinking that we actually care about his lead actress.
We don’t.
Instead Jennifer Lawrence strips down to her undies and prances around one fake-looking set after another.
Just because the book author was a former CIA agent should not have you part from your hard earned pesos for this would-be thriller.
Better to forgo this dopey movie and instead line up to see “Black Panther” for your 3rd or 4th time.
Unlike poop, quality never gets old and smelly.
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