In a recent study by the Commission on Population and Development (CPD) with the Asian Center of Education, Research, and Training for Innovation (ACERT), most Filipino couples find cohabitation a more practical and beneficial arrangement in pursuing family and marital goals. | CDN Photo/ Gerard Jamora
“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
For generations, these words have bound couples in the sacred institution of marriage, a union not just of love but of commitment, faith, and family.
The vow is a promise. It is a declaration that no matter the challenges ahead, two individuals will stand by each other, through sickness and health, wealth and poverty, successes and trials.
But as societal norms evolve, so does the concept of commitment.
In an era where cohabitation is on the rise and marriage is increasingly seen as an aspiration rather than an expectation, many couples are choosing to test their compatibility before formalizing their union.
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Why marry?
With financial pressures, shifting values, and a growing emphasis on personal freedom, do marriage vows still hold the same weight or have they become mere words in the face of modern practicality?
A recent study by the Commission on Population and Development (CPD) and the Asian Center of Education, Research, and Training for Innovation (ACERT) found that for many young couples, cohabitation is a more practical and beneficial arrangement in pursuing family and marital goals.
Marriage remains an aspiration, but not necessarily an immediate one.
The numbers speak volumes. According to the 2022 National Demographic and Health Survey (NDHS), the percentage of women aged 15-49 who are cohabiting has quadrupled over the past three decades, from 5 percent in 1993 to 19 percent in 2022.
Another study, the 2021 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality (YAFS) survey, found that 12 percent of the 20 million youth aged 15-24 were already living with their partners.
But beyond the statistics is a deeper conversation.
Why are more young couples choosing to live together without marriage? Opting to put marriage vows out of the picture.
And what does this shift mean for the future of relationships, family structures, and the institution of marriage itself?
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The rise of cohabitation
The CPD-ACERT study, Unearthing Perspectives in Nuptiality and Cohabitation, explored the experiences of women aged 20-29 from both urban and rural areas, uncovering several reasons why many couples choose to cohabit rather than marry.
For some, living together is a natural progression in a committed relationship while waiting for the “right time” to formalize their union.
Others receive parental approval, as some families prefer cohabitation over rushing into marriage, particularly at a young age. Unplanned pregnancies also play a role, with many couples viewing cohabitation as a practical response without the immediate pressure of marriage.
Financial concerns further contribute to this shift, as rising living costs make shared expenses more feasible, and the high cost of weddings discourages many from formalizing their relationship through a costly ceremony.
Additionally, some couples see cohabitation as an escape from family tensions or as a way to navigate religious differences when marriage under one faith is not a viable option.
For Sai Romas, 25, who has been in a relationship for four years, cohabitation is something she and her partner have already considered. While they see the practical benefits, financial readiness remains a key factor in their decision.
“Nagkatalk na mi about living together, and we’re open to the idea. It’s practical kay mas mailhan nimo imong partner. Pero as of now, aware mi nga wala pa mi sa saktong finances,” she shared.
She believes that couples who don’t experience living together before marriage tend to face greater challenges when problems arise.
“Sakto nga practical siya. Based sa akong na-observe, ang uban nga wala miagi ug lived-in, dili magdugay kay pag-abot sa problema, nakainvest na sila ug daghang butang. Lisod na hinuon pag-cut,” she explained.
However, Sai also acknowledges the influence of social media in shaping modern relationships.
“Saturated na kaayo ang balita karon about adultery ug third party tungod sa social media. Mao nga dili malikayan nga ang younger generation karon ma-influence ila views,” she added.
For others, cohabitation serves as a safety net. Marie Mendoza, 24, who has been in a live-in relationship for a year and a half, believes it allows couples to assess their compatibility and avoid being trapped in an unhealthy marriage.
“Religion aside, practical siya para nako. Daghan kaayo kaso sa domestic abuse nga mugawas ra human kasal. At least with cohabitation, walay legal complications kung kinahanglan nimo mobiya,” she explained.
Marie pointed out that many people only discover their partner’s true nature after marriage, which can lead to difficult and even dangerous situations.
“Daghan ko nadunggan nga anha ra nila nahibaw-an nga bayolente diay ilang partner pagkahuman sa kasal. Sa uyab pa, okay ra, pero pag minyo na, didto na mugawas ang tinuod nga batasan,” she added.
For her, cohabitation provides a way to ensure that a relationship is stable before taking the next step.
“Okay ra siguro ang three to four years depende kung both na mo employed. Bisan pa ug nag-live in mo, kung usa ra ang naay income, lisod gihapon maghisgot ug kasal. Marriage is a two-way process,” she said.
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A Church caught in between
While the practical reasons for cohabitation are clear, the Catholic Church, long a guardian of traditional family values, sees the trend as a symptom of deeper societal issues.
“Pragmatic na gyud kaayo ang mga kabatanonan karon,” said Fr. Eligio Suico, chairman of the Archdiocese of Cebu Commission on Family and Life. “Pero kung imo tan-awon, daghan gihapon ang magpakasal.”
He acknowledged that practicality plays a role, especially in urban settings where cohabitation can be a cost-saving measure.
Some couples, he noted, see moving in together as financially wise, particularly if they are both renting separate places. Others, shaped by modern influences and exposure to relationships abroad, are skeptical about the idea of “forever” in love.
“Mas sayon magbuwag kung wala mo nagpakasal,” he said. “Plus, daghan na sa mga batan-on karon ang gapuyo lang, wala gapakasal. They think marriage is not necessary for a committed relationship.”
However, Fr. Suico believes the root of the issue is not just pragmatism but a “crisis of enlightenment and inspiration.”
“Some couples grew up in families where they did not witness the joy of marriage. Kung ilang nakita sa ilang pamilya nga nagpakasal pero wala nalipay, ilang pangutana, ‘Ngano magpakasal pa man ko kung dili man diay ko malipay?’” he pointed out.
For this reason, the Church is now focused not just on promoting marriage but on ensuring that married life is fulfilling.
“It’s not just about receiving the sacrament—it’s about receiving the gift of joy,” Fr. Suico explained. “Mao na among paningkamutan sa Commission on Family and Life. After kasal, we accompany couples and help them work out their relationship so they can see the beauty of marriage.”
He also noted that many couples struggle with marriage because their focus shifts entirely to raising children, rather than nurturing their relationship.
“The problem is, daghan sa mga magtiayon wala makapakita nga adunay kalipay sa kaminyoon,” he said. “Kung ang mga kabatanonan karon makita nila nga kaminyoon puno sa problema, nganong magpakasal pa man sila?”
Fr. Suico further said that the challenge now is to inspire young couples by showing them that marriage, when nurtured, remains a path to happiness.
READ: Divorce and annulment in the Philippines: An explainer
Cohabitation: A trial run or a deviation?
For some couples, living together before marriage strengthens their bond. Earl Hortellano, 30, who has been with his partner for seven years and recently got engaged, said their experience of cohabitation helped them prepare for married life.
“Sa among 7 years, nag-live in mi for almost a year,” he shared. “That was in 2022, but karon wala nami nag-live in. Mas practical man to sauna kay pareho mi nagtrabaho sa syudad, pero karon, niuli siya sa probinsya while I stayed here.”
For him, living together felt like a preview of marriage.
“Murag nagpraktis na mi sa kaminyoon—istorya sa expenses, budget sa sweldo, pangandam sa pagkaon, ug ang abang. It taught us how to handle finances, household responsibilities, and daily conflicts,” he said.
Hortellano admitted that cohabitation helped them grow as a couple, and surprisingly, it was during their time apart that they ultimately decided to get married.
“Katong wala nami nag-live in, wala pa gyud mi nakahunahuna magpakasal. Pero katong among mga bulan nga nag-uban, nakatabang siya sa among desisyon nga ready na mi,” he said.
Despite not being a devout Catholic, Hortellano believes in the value of marriage.
“Mas maayo nga kasado mo kaysa mag-ipon lang. At the end of the day, kung dili mo kasado, naa man gyud fear nga magbuwag mo,” he explained.
He acknowledged that even marriages can end, but he sees the commitment of marriage as a stronger foundation for a relationship.
“Bisan pa og naay posibilidad nga magbuwag, kung kasado mo, naa moy rason para maningkamot. Unless naa gyud dakong rason nga magbulag, mas hugot ang relasyon kung kasado mo,” he said.
However, for Marygrace Rosales, 53, who never lived with her partner despite having a child together, cohabitation is no substitute for marriage.
“Lain-lain gyud mi og balay. Bisan katong nanganak ko, wala gyud mi nag-ipon kay wala mi nagka-uyon,” she shared. “Daghan ang ni-try ug live-in, pero ako, wala gyud.”
Coming from a devout Catholic family, Rosales’ decision was also influenced by her upbringing.
“My brother was a priest, so bawal gyud sa amo. I was 35 when I gave birth, and as the youngest in the family, people expected me to settle down properly. When I confessed I was pregnant, na-shake gyud ang tanan,” she recalled.
For her, marriage is about commitment, not a trial period.
“If I could go back to when I was 22, I’d choose marriage,” she said. “Para nako, once ikasal mo, it’s for better or for worse. If nag-live in mo daan, mura na siya’g ‘for better and for better’ lang. Dili na siya commitment nga no matter what, magpadayon mo.”
Rosales believes that whether couples live together or not, true personalities will always come to light.
“Dili na kinahanglan mag-ipon para mailhan nimo ang batasan sa usa ka tawo. Kung kamo, kamo gyud. If dili, dili,” she said.
For her, the essence of marriage lies in discovery—learning about each other every day, even through challenges.
“Marriage is a risk. Duha mo ka lain-laing tawo at the end of the day, pero kung naa namoy anak, dili na lang about ninyo—about na sa mga bata,” she emphasized.
Despite acknowledging the uncertainties of relationships, she firmly believes in the sacrament of marriage than cohabitation.
“Ang kasal, sacrament man na. Pero kamo duha ang magdala sa relationship,” she said. “It’s not just about the wedding itself but about keeping the commitment alive. Ang tinuod nga pagsaad, for better and for worse.”
Marilou Naldoza, 60, who has been married for over 30 years, agreed. She said marriage is a lifelong vocation and not something to be tested.
“Nowadays, people think marriage is a trap, so they prefer cohabitation because it’s easier to leave. But that’s not the point of marriage. It’s a lifelong commitment,” she said.
She believes that shifting societal norms and financial constraints have contributed to the rise of live-in relationships.
“Sa una, conservative ang mga ginikanan. Karon, dali na lang ang pag-live in, kay gasto man ang kasal. Ang uban pud, dili kaayo educated about marriage, mao nga lahi-lahi na ang panan-aw sa lain-laing henerasyon,” she explained.
But for Naldoza, the core of marriage is not about convenience, it’s about choosing to stay, no matter the challenges.
“Daghan karon nag-live in kay dali ra sila makagawas kung dili na sila ganahan. Naa silay mindset nga kung magpakasal, mura na sila’g gapos. Pero mao gyud na ang kaminyoon—usa ka lifetime vocation. Kung musulod ka ana, for better and for worse,” she emphasized.
Having spent 31 years in marriage, Naldoza credits the stability of her relationship for providing strong guidance to their children.
“Kinahanglan magka-usa mo, spiritually, physically, emotionally. Mas nindot gyud kung minyo mo, kay klaro ang plano para sa pamilya. Among finances, among anak—wala mi magmahay kung asa padulong ang among mga desisyon,” she shared.
She also believes that children benefit the most from a stable marriage.
“Kung mag-live in mo unya naa namoy anak, luoy kaayo sila kung magbulag mo kay walay lig-on nga pundasyon. Wala silay klarong paggiya sa ginikanan,” she said.
The future of marriage in a changing society
Despite the rise of cohabitation, many still see marriage as the ultimate goal. Christian Llido, 27, who has been with his partner for six years, believes in the values of marriage—even as he acknowledges the practicality of living together first.
“I come from a religious family, so even if I find cohabitation practical, marriage is still my endpoint,” he said.
For Llido, the idea of cohabitation is not just about convenience but also about preparation.
“Sa among six years, kadaghan nami nakahisgot about living in together. Personally, practical siya and ideal sad para nako. Mas makaila gyud ka sa imong partner in a deeper sense kay lahi ang mag-uban lang sa laag ug mag-uban sa usa ka balay. Kung mag-live in namo, naa na moy added responsibility—expenses, chores, pagpangandam sa future,” he explained.
While he understands that these lessons can also be learned within marriage, he believes that moving together beforehand can provide a sense of awareness before taking the next step.
“Depende gyud sa maturity level sa couple. Lahi-lahi baya ang gigikanan sa matag tawo, lahi-lahi pud ang timing kung kanus-a sila andam magpakasal,” he said.
For now, Llido and his partner have decided to wait.
“Dili pa gyud karon ang saktong panahon kay naa pa mi lain priorities, especially sa among career. Dili pa mi andam nga musud ug laing dako nga responsibilidad sa kinabuhi,” he shared.
Yet despite his practical outlook, he holds firm to his belief in marriage.
“Practical ang live in but ang endpoint should be marriage. I still believe in the values of marriage, no matter what,” he said.
The choice between cohabitation and marriage is deeply personal, shaped by values, upbringing, and life circumstances.
Yet as societal norms evolve, one thing remains constant – that commitment is being redefined, not by tradition alone, but by the choices couples make for themselves.
And perhaps, in a world where love is constantly tested, what truly matters is not just the vow, but the willingness to honor it—for better or for worse.
