Let’s talk about postpartum depression

News of a mother drowning her 11-month-old baby reached me while I was in a learning session with colleagues on responsible media coverage of children. 

It’s heartbreaking. 

A child, who is only a month shy of celebrating her first birthday, died in the hands of her mother. 

How? Police said the baby was drowned in a pail of water. 

The mother and baby are not from Cebu. Police said they came to Cebu from their hometown in Misamis Occidental, accompanied by the woman’s father, in order to have the baby checked by a faith healer in Talisay City. 

The short version of the story, according to police, is that the faith healer healed the child. They were expected to go home on Sunday, July 28. 

I do not know what the mother’s mental health condition is. That part requires further evaluation by doctors. I am not judging and labelling the mother with what I believe are offensive phrases which include “mentally retarded” or “mentally disturbed.” 

But having seen photos of the mother and how she appeared to be catatonic inside the police station, reminded me of the many instances that I have come face-to-face with postpartum depression; first from personal experience and then several times as a volunteer for organizations and Mommy groups which tackle this issue.

A glaring truth that keeps me on my toes in the six years that I have been trying to understand postpartum depression is that whether in the US or the Philippines, postpartum depression is still an uncomfortable topic of discussion among family members and friends. It is not football or makeup that anyone can just jump right in to join the discussion. 

In many situations that I have observed and experienced, postpartum depression is still being seen as “all in the mind.” There is a preconceived notion that because it’s all in the mind, one can easily snap out of it and get on the regular daily pace of life as if nothing happened. 

What every friend, family member, co-worker, mother, daughter, government official or whatever you are in life right now needs to understand is that postpartum depression is a serious mental illness that should not be taken lightly. 

It’s not just plain baby blues. 

It’s dark and heavy; a condition that you will have a hard time accepting especially when you thought that you have read all there is available about motherhood and prepared yourself for the coming of a new human. 

But postpartum depression is a snake and a monster combined. It slithers its way into your consciousness and before you know it is eating you away with negative thoughts that can dangerously result to bloody, horrible actions. 

Go to any search engine and you will find write-ups which tell you that postpartum depression usually occurs on the first four to six weeks after childbirth.

But it does not end on the fourth or sixth week. It won’t  go away on its own. 

There is a 2014 report published in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry, which compared the results of studies on postpartum depression from 1985 to 2012. One of the goals of the study was to identify certain risk factors that explains why some women are more prone to persistent postpartum depression. 

David McNamee in Medical News Today wrote: “A comprehensive review of clinical studies examining postpartum depression carried out in January 2014 has shown that although symptoms of postpartum depression in most women recede over time, for a large number of women, depression remains a long-term problem.”

Take note: For a large number of women, depression remains a long-term problem. 

The report further reads:” In women who were receiving medical care, 50% of patients experienced depression for more than 1 year after childbirth. The review also found that in women who were not receiving clinical treatment, 30% of women with postpartum depression were still depressed up to 3 years after giving birth.”

It is common among us, mothers, to feel overwhelmed and emotional on the first few weeks after childbirth. Much focus is given to the baby that it is so easy to forget the mother. People seldom ask how Mommy is doing because everyone is mesmerized on the baby.

So here’s my plea to everyone out there who may be living with a mother: take care of her. 

Taking care of her means visiting her, talking to her, not leaving her alone.

There is a period in motherhood when a woman is a zombie, when her make-up is her eyebags, when her hairstyle is the conspicuous bun, when she cannot barely take a shower because household chores are so plenty  and she spends the entire day working and yet they literally still pile up until the late hours of the evening.

For several instances, all that she needs is the company of a good friend who will listen to her wax poetic about her children one second and then describe them as the happiness killer on the next minute or so. 

If you are reading this and you feel blue or in despair, please know that you are not alone and that there are communities you can reach out to ask for help. 

Often times, we are too hard on ourselves when we become mothers. Catch and stop yourself when you think that you are not doing enough. Make time for yourself and avoid isolating yourself. 

You are never alone.

I know you would want to get all things done because who does not want to get everything done?

But the truth is, the laundry can wait.

You are more important.

So scale back on your expectations on the perfect mother. When everything is dark and heavy, ask for help. There is nothing to be ashamed about the truth. The other night, I called Tawag Paglaum Centro Bisaya, a 24/7 call-based hotline for suicide prevention and emotional crisis intervention established in Cebu. I just wanted to make sure the numbers work. They did.

If you need anyone to talk to, call these numbers: 0939-937-5433 / 0939-936-5433 / 0927-654-1629.