Letting Ale and Lanie go

Sorry my dear readers for my long absence. The reason is this: it’s not easy to lose someone you really loved very much, more so if they were two in a row. I had to take a leave from writing.

I lived happily with wife Ale for 43 years. Two years before that we were lovers. We were blessed with four kids – Leilani, Florenda (Bloombloom), Fernando Jr., and Dionaly. We were further blessed with five grandchildren and now with one great grandson, Jhona, which unfortunately, Ale and Lanie, his grand Lola and Lola, had not had the pleasure to see.

Ale got this thing called tumor in her left lung in 2007. In early 2012, it had become stage four or terminal cancer. Fighting cancer is not easy not only because of the huge expense it entails but also because of the torture from knowing that anytime, she would have to go. How many more days did she have to live? Three weeks or three months at most, we were told. We were devastated.

Before she reached the last stage, only Ale and I and her doctor knew about it. We fought it silently. But after her three-week hospitalization in early 2012, we had to share our sadness to our kids and trusted relatives and friends. But only them. All others never knew.

What had we to do with stage four cancer? Her doctor said she had to undergo chemotherapy, and probably radiation, and all those. Ale and I knew so well what hell chemo patients undergo and they still die in the end. We prayed and searched for alternatives. There are so many in the market, all with huge claims of success but without solid study to back them up except for what their sellers and the supposedly surviving users said. But how many were already dead and could not tell their story? We continued praying until I read – and it was confirmed by another very kind doctor – of a new treatment for lung cancer with good results. However, to qualify, Ale’s case must be confirmed by lab test if it were of the Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (NSCLC) type. We had to wait two agonizing weeks for the lab test result from Manila. It came with the good news.

The treatment called Targeted Lung Cancer Therapy required Ale to take a tablet daily that would directly find and engulf the cancer cells and prevent it from escaping and multiplying. From my research I knew that some patients in the US already lived for five or more years after taking the tablet daily. But the question was the price of the tablet. She was prescribed to take the maximum dosage of 150 mg which cost more than P3,000 apiece. The long agony began. Despite the help of some friends there were really times when she could only take half of or nothing for a day or two. With God’s blessing the tablet worked and extended her life for close to three years before she finally expired last October 5, 2014. I knew of course from my research (the doctor was silent) that like any prisoner, the imprisoned cancer cell would find some ways to escape. Some did in Ale’s case after two years. But I was more than happy enough to see her enjoy life longer than the three weeks to three months that she was supposed to have.

That is also the reason my dear readers and friends why Ale and I were inseparable in her last seven years, more especially in her last 30 months before she finally became very ill and left. Wherever I go and whatever I do, she was almost always there beside me. This is so well-known in my circle that once when I was invited to attend a two-day event in Manila, the host also offered Ale a free round trip ticket so that we could be together.

Less than a month after Ale’s death, my first daughter Lani suffered a stroke that paralyzed half her body due to complications of lupus that she was diagnosed with 10 years earlier. The first time, it was her nervous system that was attacked. She survived but she had to leave her bank job. After Ale’s departure, it was Lani’s brain that was attacked. In the next six months after the first attack, Lani suffered  two more strokes that rendered her completely paralyzed and in coma until she expired last September, just a week before Ale’s one year death anniversary.

It hurt me so much to lose Ale. Seeing Lani suffer for almost a year before she expired was more than I could endure. I lost my concentration in my consultancy work and in writing this column. I only find my joy in my part time classes at USC and in Facebook. If not for these two, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I would probably have followed Ale, as what sometimes happens to couples who live very closely together.

But life must go on. I cannot live in the past. And knowing my capability both physically and mentally, I knew I can still do more for my family and our country. So lately, I accepted new consultancy assignments in addition to my teaching job at USC and work as executive director of Cebu Business Club that I also left unattended in the last two years. I also accept already with great gusto any invitations to speak in forums or seminars and conferences where my expertise in economics and experience in development work are recognized.

So my dear friends, I’m happy to be back with you. Thank you Cebu Daily News for welcoming me back. Happy New Year to all of us.