Chikita dear

I am a writing about a person I haven’t personally met but whose videos have helped me through one of the toughest times of my life.

It was two years ago and our family of four just relocated to America.

I was pregnant with Baby #3 and reality hit me: I have to start doing a lot of chores on my own.

The thought overwhelmed me, and I was screaming “Mommy” to help me fold the newly dried clothes.

I longed for an ayi (the word of endearment we accorded to three househelpers in China) to knock on our door thrice a week to change the sheets, clean the kitchen and vacuum the entire floor of the house.

Trust me, these all sound so trivial right now.

But when you have lived your whole life with hired help or an aunt or a cousin who did household chores for you, learning to segregate white clothes from the colored ones before running a warm cycle for the 1,000th time can be the most challenging task the gods of Mount Olympus has ever commanded of a mortal.

Stressed could not describe what I felt during those months. I managed by gobbling down desserts and watching videos from Cebu of a transgender woman named Chikita.

Chikita was downright funny.

Her brand of humor and jokes connected to me.

She would often end her videos, mostly recorded by make-up artist Wenwen Zaspa, with the line, “Bakit hindi? Lumalaban!” and I found myself silently repeating that line like a mantra to inspire me whenever I felt like there were too many diapers to change, too much pain from breastfeeding the newborn baby boy and too much homesickness for P200 per hour body massage (as the cheapest massage rate in Kalispell, Montana, was $70 for an hourlong full body massage).

Chikita and her happy self got me through my intense battle with depression.

When my whole world seemed so dark that it enveloped me in negativity and hopelessness, I opened Facebook and did a Chikita video binge.

If you would have seen me during those times, you would probably describe me as a lunatic because I would laugh so hard after spending the last hour crying, wishing to be back home in Asia.

Chikita had an uncanny way of making people laugh.

A lot of times it was not about her jokes; it was about her honesty and sincerity. She accepted her flaws and flaunted them with pride.

She knew she wasn’t the most sophisticated person in the planet.

But she was, perhaps, the most loved person in the social media sphere.

I cannot remember Chikita without thinking of September 15, 2015 when I gave birth to a healthy baby boy whom we named “Jeffrey Peter Jr.” or Jeff Jr.

I was concerned that with all the physical and emotional stress I went through, Jeff Jr. would be that kind of child who would cry every night without end and will make my life really difficult.

But he wasn’t.

He was and is still a beautiful baby who only cries when he is hungry.

He grew up as a happy baby.

Although this is not backed up by science or some study confirmed by some prestigious university, I truly believe that the joy that Chikita brought to my pregnancy has a positive effect on my baby’s disposition.

My brother Hendrix would go as far as saying that Jeff Junior’s cheeks are as “plump as Chikita’s.”

In March of this year, rumors circulated that my “happy pill” had died.

There were several versions of the story of her “death.” Some said it was from a drug overdose. Wenwen immediately came out with a statement that no, Chikita is not dead.

Lumalaban pa.

Last Tuesday night, more than two months after the death hoax circulated, Wenwen turned to Facebook Live to confirm that Chikita has left this earth.

An ABS-CBN report said she died of “hypovolemic shock caused by severe blood and fluid loss.” No further details were mentioned about the cause of death.

Wenwen said her suffering was enough and Chikita can finally rest.

I would like to remember Chikita through the smiles and laughter she brought to my life — and to continue living the mantra that no matter how difficult life can be, we will keep on fighting.

Please remember Chikita in your prayers.

I was told her birth name is Julieto Villaruel.

Oh diba? Bakit hindi? Lumalaban!