From bar dancer to candle vendor: The strength and resolve of a Cebuano single mother

CEBU CITY, Philippines – They always say that mothers, especially single mothers have the toughest job in the world.

From carrying a child for nine months in their wombs, to enduring the cramps and contractions during childbirth, to nurturing a toddler into adolescence, and even beyond, mothers indeed handle a myriad of challenges with unwavering devotion and grace.

But what happens when burdens come in forms beyond childbirth? When even the darkest card is played just to fill empty stomachs?

“Rupa (Ruffa) ko,” a little girl greeted me and raised her right hand, showing her index and middle fingers, indicating that she was two years old. But Ruffa was actually three years old.

She was a brown, skinny girl, standing about two feet tall. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and her face unkempt, clearly showing that she had been there for quite some time, playing with her red balloon.

It was 8:30 in the evening, and she was running back and forth in front of the facade of Magellan’s Cross beside the Basilica Minore del Sto. Niño church, enjoying herself like any typical carefree kid. But that wasn’t the whole story.

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When the balloon went behind the fence, and out of her reach, she cried and ran towards a woman who was busy persuading passersby to buy the 5-peso candles for blessings and birthday prayers. The woman wore an oversized shirt. Fatigue betrayed her sweaty face, but she always manages an accommodating smile even as people ignored her plea to buy her candles.

“Ma, kuha-a ako balloon,” Ruffa tugged at the hem of her shirt. “Wait lang, pa ha… Pila imo, ma’am? Kani para sa daghang blessing, kini para sa birthday…” the woman said, trying to attend to both Ruffa, her daughter, and the customer.

Right after she sold two candles worth 10 pesos, the single mom ran to the fence, got the balloon, and gave it to Ruffa. Ruffa then continued to play with the balloon while the mother ran back to her post to convince another customer.

Fatima Laputan has been selling candles for three years now. She is a single mother of five children, with her eldest son aged 19 and her youngest just three years old. She hails from Barangay Labangon, Cebu City.

The 39-year-old candle vendor always brings her three-year-old daughter with her while selling candles. Aside from there being no one else she could leave her toddler with, she could not trust her 19-year-old son to watch over his sibling.

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Even when the baby was just four months old, she would sometimes bring her along with her three other children while selling candles in churches.

Fatima does not always sell at the Basilica del Sto. Niño church; she only sells there on regular nights, as members of the basilica candle vendors association have the priority to sell in the morning. Most of the time, she would go to town fiestas because during those times  she could earn more.

And by “more,” means an amount where she could not only pay for meals for her children but also buy groceries at home.

“Mangita gyud ko’g diskarte [nga makabaligya]… Maayo gani kay usahay mabantayan ra [ang mga bata] og lain nga tindera mao makadalikyat ko pero og matulog na, kinahanglan na gyud pas-anon, pinas-anay gyud sindang paninda,” the single mother shared.

Fatima’s life could have been better if she had been supported by her partners. She had two partners, but like many other unfortunate couples, neither relationship lasted.

As a result, she has had to support her children alone.

“Kinahanglan jud maningkamot aron mabuhi gyud sila. Sila gyud ako priority, bahala’g wala nalang ko basta naa sila,” she said.

Fatima became pregnant at the age of 19. She thought that getting pregnant at a young age could help her escape the hardships of life, as she believed she had already found the man who could provide her with a better life. She met her first partner in Manila.

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At that time, she was one of the countless young dreamers who thought that moving to Manila could offer many opportunities to become rich.

Naive as she was at the age of 17, she was one of the two recruits from Cebu chosen to go to Japan to work as a bar hostess. But first, they had to undergo “training” at one of the bars in Chinatown, Manila.

Fatima was a dancer, not the typical kind, but a bar dancer. Wearing only a string of lingerie on her body, she danced slowly and seductively on stage in front of foreign customers. Fatima said she had no idea what she was getting into at that time.

“Dancer gyud ko sa bar, naka panty og bra ra, pero naay mga superstar, mga class A amo tawag nila, manggihubo nana sila manayaw. Permiro gyud, nitulo gyud ako luha sa stage, ga sayaw sayaw ko gahilak ko samot na katong gitawag ko og negro og amerikano adto kay i-table daw ko nila. Tagaan daw ko nila og kwarta. Adtong time-ma virgin pa ko unya kabalo man to si Mamasang nga virgin pa ko so ako may gihatag kay ganahan daw sila og virgin pero wala ko misugot, mihilak naman ko so mao to wala ra,” she recounted.

After three months at the first bar where she was trained, she hopped to another for a year until she became pregnant with her first child. She terminated her plan to leave for Japan and went with the father of her child to Davao.

Fatima thought everything would be okay now, but when she lived with her first partner’s family, she faced another formidable struggle: his mother.

“Paghuman nako’g anak nagpakuha kos akong mama sa Davao kay dili man mi-uyon sa mama sa lalaki, kontrahan man ko sa iyang mama, buntis pa ko unya palitan ko’g gatas sa akong pares, masuko siya nganong palitan pakog gatas nga dako na daw kog tiyan,” she shared.

Even after giving birth, she endured everything for her child and returned home to Cebu with her partner. She started a small business selling fruits while her partner got a regular job. They earned a modest income just enough to sustain their needs and support the baby.

However, another problem arose when her first partner became involved in a questionable “business.” He was fired from his job.

Since her business of selling fruits could not sustain their expenses, she decided to apply as a waitress in one of the bars on Mango Avenue in Cebu City.

“Waitress ako trabaho pero og musugot ka og i-out ka, okay rasad. Lisod kaayo mag trabaho sa bar kay murag tumban imong pagka babaye pero wala kay choice, wa kay choice kay ingnon man sad kas customer “Nganong nanarbaho man sad ka ani og dili ka pahikap?” she said.

She worked at the bar for a year. Then one day, a foreigner offered her 30,000 pesos for one night and even proposed marriage.

However, when she told him about her partner and child, the foreigner seemed saddened by her situation and gave her a quarter of the supposed value.

With the money she received, she bought a tri-sikad for her partner, hoping to help him find employment. When they had the tri-sikad, she resigned from the bar and continued selling fruits.

However, her sacrifice for her partner went down the drain when he returned to his previous “activities.” Eventually, she decided to leave him.

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She continued selling fruits and other goods until she met her second partner, the father of her four children, who was a construction worker.

But just like the first relationship, this one also ended due to her partner’s infidelity. She found herself drowning in debts to friends. However, she faced her challenges head on because she was the only hope her children had.

“Niabot sa punto nga wala nakoy kautangan, maglisod naman ko og bayad, naa man koy utang sa micro finance P50k, lisod na kaayo ibayad bisan maninda kag mga purtas lisod na ihalin, karon galisod nako og puhonan. Ako rasad gahunahuna nga kandila nalang kay gamay raman siya og puhonan,” the single mother said.

She expressed, “Lisod kaayo pero giantos gyud na nako para sa akong mga anak. Na immune nasad ko kadugayan.”

The struggles of Fatima as a woman and a mother to her five children were unfathomable; one could not comprehend how she endured the darkest hours of her life. The hopes she built for herself shattered, but she remained strong – knowing she has children who depend on her.  This single mother could not stop, not even for a fleeting moment to think about herself.

One of the biggest lessons Fatima learned, which she wanted to impart to the minds of the young generations today, was, “Ayaw gyud pagdali-dali sa kaminyoon anang gugma. Dili nato mahibaw-an ang oras. Dapat andam na ta, naay kwarta, okay na ka.”

A simple advice from someone who has gone through life’s hardest trials but who remained hopeful that the best is yet to come……one candle and fervent prayer at a time.

More photos of Fatima and Ruffa

TAGS: candle vendor, Mother's Day, single mom